It can't just be me....

I don't mean to sound like a grumpy bastard who many would mistake for a 47 year old, but children today are so much stupider than when I was a kid.

Case in point:

Not more than 2 hours ago I went into my local corner shop. Normally when I do this, one of two things occurs. I exchange money for goods which I require and leave, or I knock something off a shelf and have to exchange money for it along with my required goods.

Today however was entirely different. I entered the shop to find what can only be described as a a metric fuckton of children attempting to buy sweets. And it is in this buying that we finally reach my point.

Child: If I buy this salt^[1] how much money will I have left?
*Child of about 11 holds up a £1 coin and a tub of salt with 52p written on it. I pause and frown slightly in amusement.*
Shopkeep: 48p.
Child: But I want to buy this too!
*Child holds up a bottle of milk with 70p written on it*
Shopkeep: You don't have enough to buy both, you only have £1.
*Child discards the milk and scratches his head briefly as I begin to despair*
Child: Well, if I only get the salt, how many 2p sweets can I buy with what's left?
*Shopkeep frowns and ignores the question.
Shopkeep: Do you want to spend the rest of the change on sweets?
Child: No, just 30p
*shopkeep obliges and sorts out his sweets and change as I begin to get served by another delightful shopkeep.*


At this point I'm slightly amused, depressed and angry at just how annoying this kid is with his lack of maths skills, but he was yet to deliver his imbecilic coup de grace. Instead of leaving, the kid just looks into his hand bemused, then at me, then at his friend, and finally at the woman who just served him. After a few seconds he finally plucks up the courage to speak and says

Child: Did I pay you?

I am quite honestly stunned at this moment, I can't believe this kid is not only shite at maths, but also at remembering something that happened less than 60 seconds ago.
The shopkeep looks at me with a beleaguered smile and I shake my head, then she says to him

Shopkeep: Yes you did
Child: Then what's this money in my hand?
Shopkeep: ....
Me: ..... *in open mouthed amazement*
Shopkeep: That's your change
Child: What?

Sadly I had to leave the shop at his point, my transaction completed and my ire significantly raised.


I can't be the only one who is frightened by the fact that his generation will be in charge one day?

It can't just be me....


^{[1] Go with it. I don't know why he was buying salt either}

Adam Sandler. What exactly is the point?

Earlier today, during a brief moment of downtime, I couldn't help but ponder who actually likes/has time for Adam Sandler. Every film he is involved with seems to be a childish representation of how a less than impressive man-child becomes a functioning member of society. I am beginning to wonder whether the socially retarded characters he plays in all of his films are merely an extension of his personality.

Let's just run over his most famous roles:

Billy Madison (1995) - Sandler plays an developmentally arrested heir who must overcome his childhood in order to inherit a fortune

Happy Gilmore (1996) - Sandler plays a failed hockey player with no direction in life who must overcome his destructive and childish ways in order to become a man and save his Grandmother's house

The Wedding Singer (1998) - Sandler plays a socially retarded singer who is unable to adjust to normal life after being a rock star. He must grow up and prove himself worthy to the woman he loves.

The Waterboy (1998) - Sandler plays the butt of 10,000 retard jokes then becomes the hero of an American Football team.

Big Daddy (1999) - Sandler plays a lazy law school graduate who adopts a kid to impress his girlfriend, but is himself not mature enough to cope. Eventually overcomes his childlike ways and becomes a functioning member of society.


All annoying. All the same. I could go on

If nothing else the man has made the same damn film 300 times in the space of 10 years.

HOW IS NOBODY SICK OF THIS YET?

And then we come to Click. A film which with the right director, star and producer could have been an excellent journey into the way an ordinary man would behave if he was given the power to control time. Would he revisit his past and right wrongs? Would he visit the future and see what lay ahead of him? Would he be able to cope with the power he has been given, and how would he resolve the various conflicts it would produce?

Instead we get Click starring Adam Sandler. A film where he uses the power of his time altering device to pause time while he kicks someone in the balls.


The balls.

Not even Walken and Hasselhoff can save this. As Scott Tobias wrote in the Onion AV club review "It's as if Sandler and house director Frank Coraci (The Wedding Singer, The Waterboy) want to graft the grown-up sensibilities behind Spanglish and Punch-Drunk Love to the crude frat-house gags that have long been their stock in trade. The hybrid isn't mature or funny."

And even though I looked down upon it earlier, if someone could actually kick Adam Sandler in his balls, that would be lovely. Thanks.

What if I say I'm not like the others?

So. This is the blog then. It's alright innit?

I'm going to be honest and say that I can't really think of anything worth ranting about yet. Or rather, I haven't found anything that has annoyed me yet.

It's only 6pm though, so there's still plenty of time.


With my lack of anything worth talking about in mind, I present to you my very first too-lazy-too-write-something-good™ list in which (and this is the clever part of the name) I write a list, because I'm too lazy to write something good.^[1]

• I've been listening to the new Foo Fighters song a fair bit lately, and I have to say that after initially disliking it, it has grown on me a great deal and I no longer want to throw things at whatever device is playing it. (Anything by Anastacia however is still in this position. Warbly bitch.)
• I've discovered my new favourite hero. He's a man so cool he has a PhD in kicking your ass. He is none other than Dr Tran.
• Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater Revival is an excellent rock song, I don't care who thinks it is dad rock, or 70s rock.
• I'm even running out of things to put in my list now...
  

So in the meantime, warn your friends, your pets, your neighbours, and your great aunt Sally. Even warn that crazy old bloke called Duggy from down the street that carries around half a meat pie and smells of wee.

Warn them all, because;

NOW WE START [2]


^{[1]You'll find that I'm very literal in my naming. Pete Doherty for example, is "that junkie twat."
[2] And before you ask; no. No, I couldn't have found a cheesier way to end it. You know why? Because fuck you, that's why.}